Fried Cheese
by Charon the Sabercat
Summary: A sequel to Zucchini Bread. Mike and Chuck make a friend in Texas, whether they wanted to or not.


Fried Cheese

Disclaimer: Don't own nothin'.

* * *

Mike Chilton, defector from Detroit Deluxe, sprung back from his first few bad nights like a champ. One night of restful sleep- more like a solid day for how long he stayed in bed- had him so energized that he paced laps around the garage. Chuck kept him company and let Mike talk his ears off asking questions about Motorcity. Chuck couldn't answer all of them, which he told Mike up front. Chuck almost never left the garage out of fear that he'd get lost, or mugged, or fall somewhere and get hurt, and he was a slow healer even on the best days. Jacob would return from a day's work and tell him that was a load of nonsense, but in the end, Mike usually wound up deferring to Chuck's decisions. He had a long time to get to know Motorcity, and a new set of boots that needed breaking in before he could try exploring the city in them.

His pacing got shorter by the third day.

His drive to explore disappeared after about a week. Jacob started to worry. Chuck had always been kind of a low-energy kid, and Jacob had just chalked it up to his temperament. Mike, however, had showed signs of being a crazy kind of energetic. Kid had cleaned Chuck's room in a fit of boredom and gratitude for his lanky housemate. Cleaned the bathroom, too, and the shop where he kept the spare car parts that one customer wrangled him as payment for smoothies. Mike had spent his first few mornings with them exercising wherever Chuck had taken up a roost. It worried him immensely as he watched that energy drain, and that glow in his skin leave him little by little as his days in Motorcity grew. Mike and Chuck stayed close through it all, and now he was starting to see Chuck's same lack of energy, long hours sleeping, sallow skin, and clumsiness creeping into Mike by the day. The only thing he could think to do was keep them fed, and it was that thought that had him pouring Chuck and Mike Chilton a cup of Muscle Mulch at breakfast along with his one irregular customer.

"Mornin', boys." Jacob set out a cup for each of them. Chuck mumbled a good morning and wiped the sleep out of his hidden eyes. Mike gave him a little smile, looking almost ghost-like in a clean white tee that Jacob had scrounged out of the swap meet. Slacks and a proper belt held his look together, made him look proper even among all the grime of Motorcity, but it didn't hold him up while the bags under his eyes grew. They must have slept, what, nearly twelve hours and still had bags under their eyes?

"Woah." The customer thumbed over at Mike and Chuck. "Who're these guys?"

"These are my boys," introduced Jacob. "They help me around the shop."

Mike turned to the new guy and smiled politely. The new guy gave him a solid look and, to Mike's confusion, a long hard sniff of the air.

"Oh!" he said suddenly. His voice was so deep, Mike was kind of lost in it. "You're from Deluxe."

Mike and Chuck both jolted, suddenly much more alert. Jacob gawked.

"What?!" Chuck exclaimed. "How did you know that?"

The guy downed a swig of smoothie and explained. "Because you don't smell bad!"

Mike barely got out a "what" before this guy- this deep-voiced guy in a black jumpsuit and a hat that was shorter than Mike but even broader at the shoulders- just started... going off. "Look, I don't know what it is, but Deluxe does some kind of weird chemical voodoo magic in their food that makes it so their shit don't stink. Literally. Everybody who defects? Comes down here with that same exact smell. Weird mix of salt water and baby powder comin' out of their skin, it's gross!"

"That's... actually true." Jacob put his blender aside in awe. "Back when I worked for KaneCo, I helped design a little sterile vitamin cube that was supposed to be hospital food. Kane wound up liking the effect they had on healthy folk and made eating them mandatory."

"So! I can walk up to you and take one sniff and tell your pits don't stink?" said the guy. "TOTALLY ex-Deluxe. Put you at one week. Maybe two, it's hard to tell through the shirt. If I could get my nose in your pits, then I could get it within, like, two days tops."

He finished his spiel with a big smile. His teeth were a little crooked, most noticeably in his buck teeth right in the front. It was small, sure, but Mike had grown up with Deluxe's mandatory orthodontic corrections, and the sight stuck out to him.

"... _Hi_. My name is Mike." He threw an arm around Chuck. "This is Chuck, he's my best friend."

Chuck, caught by surprise, made a little flustered noise and said "h-hi."

"Now," finished Mike, "Who are _you_ , and what exactly makes you entitled to comment on my body odor?"

With that, the guy stood straight up on his stool and slammed his foot onto the counter, striking a mighty pose and freaking Jacob right out. "The name's TEXAS! Hardest drivin', fastest goin', strongest-kickin' dude in Motorcity! Maybe you've heard of me?"

Mike... just... started laughing. This guy had more energy than him and Chuck combined, maybe even doubled, and his sleeves and pant legs had red flames and he just couldn't help but giggle. This Texas dude was intense! "How could I? I've only been down here two weeks."

"BOOM! Pegged it! Go Texas!" Texas dropped back down into his bar stool, kicking his leg out and leaning against the counter in his coolest pose. He cocked an eyebrow and threw up a pair of finger guns to Mike and Chuck. "K-chaaaw!"

"Not that I don't mind a little theatricality," Jacob sighed. "But would you please not jump on the counter? You don't get privileges just for being a regular."

"Yeah, sure, whatever," Texas muttered. He spun back into place, face alight with an idea. "HEY, Jacob, lemme try somethin' new! Whatcha got in the back? Is it that corn casserole stuff?"

"Oo! I have a seaweed jelly I've been working on! Let me go see if it's congealed yet!"

Chuck shuddered at the thought, and Mike obligingly let him go. Jacob's food wasn't ideal, and neither of them really enjoyed it, but it kept them alive. Texas waited until Jacob was out of sight before he leaned down conspiratorially close to Chuck and Mike.

"Dude, I didn't wanna say this in front of Jacob, but I know what's up with your skin." Texas pulled on his face whenever he mentioned a part, for emphasis. "The baggy eyes, the cheeks, the hair lookin' all ratty. You guys are way malnourished."

Chuck huffed, offended. "Ratty?!"

Mike leaned in closer. "Malnourished?"

"Jacob's got his vegan food, and that's good and all, but he's not all that good at being a vegan, y'know? You guys are missing, like, ALL your omega-3's, and your iron intake's probably shot, and you're not getting any fats, and if you're used to Deluxe then you're getting like, NO vitamin D at all-"

Mike stopped him with a raised hand. "Okay, let's backtrack a little bit and get back to the 'what makes you entitled' part."

Texas flexed hard enough for his muscles to visibly bulge through his suit. Mike's throat went dry at the display. "You think I got these puppies eating chicken food? No way, dudes. You guys need some serious not-plants in your diet."

Chuck and Mike shared a look. It was Mike who spoke for them. "There's food in Motorcity that isn't made from plants?"

Texas just said "Oh my god" and grabbed them both, lifted them over his shoulders, and started walking off with them.

"What are you doing?!" Chuck wailed. He pounded his fists against the small of Texas's back. "Put me down! JACOB!"

"Oh yeah!" Texas called out as an afterthought. "HEY JACOB, I'm stealing your kids! We're goin' out on the town! Make my stuff to pick up later!"

"What?!" Jacob spilled out of the back, arms full of pots of green not-quite-jelly. "Hey, wait a minute! You'd better not be taking them to get drunk, you little hooligan!"

"I'm not!"

"Then bring them home by midnight or I'm calling your father!"

"Sure thing!"

Jacob sighed in defeat and brought his seaweed jelly back inside. Well, at least he had the garage to himself for the first time in two years.

"What?! No! No no on, this is crazy! This is CRAZY and wrong!" Chuck grappled Mike's shoulder. "Mike, come on, do something here! Can't you get us out of this with crazy KaneCo fight moves or something?"

"I- uh-" Mike just watched Jacob disappear as Texas carried them down the stairs to the parking lot. "If... You know, if Jacob's okay with it, I'm kind of... curious?"

"Curious?!" Chuck pulled at his hair in panic. "Dude, we don't know where this guy's taking us! It could be anywhere!"

"I know!" said Texas. He bounced them on his shoulders. "That's part of the surprise!"

Mike shrugged and clasped Chuck's shoulder back. "I dunno! It might be fun! Don't you wanna know what the rest of Motorcity's like? I mean, I do. Maybe this is our big break, or something!"

"Plus," said Texas, "Food that tastes better than Jacob's. Just a thought, y'know."

Texas brought them down to his car. Mike had gotten used to Sasquatch pretty early, so the sight of the plain little black car sitting low to the ground on normal-sized tires was almost underwhelming. Texas popped open the back seat and flopped Mike in first, going around the back and slotting Chuck into the other side. Chuck folded up on himself, arms crossed and lip stuck out in a pout. "If we end up murdered because of this, Mikey, I'm not your friend anymore."

"You don't have to come with?" Mike had a little theory he put into the open air, while Texas bounced over the hood of the car and struck a few poses to nobody. "There's always the option of getting out of the car and staying with Jacob."

"I'm not leaving you alone with this guy!" Chuck protested.

"Dude, I was a commander," said Mike. The admission still sat bitter on his tongue whenever he said it out loud, and it even made Chuck flinch once he said the words. "If this guy tried anything funny, I'd have him on the ground in a heartbeat. If you want to stay home, stay home."

Chuck didn't move. Mike checked on Texas- he was making his way back to the car- and put out the final question. "Are you excited too? To see the rest of the city?"

Chuck opened his mouth to answer, but snapped it shut as soon as Texas jumped into the driver's seat and started the car. The engine roared and shook the whole car with only a tap at the accelerator, sending Mike and Chuck scrambling for their seat belts.

"Isn't she great?!" Texas shouted above the din of the engine. "I put the biggest engine I could find in her! I figured if the engine was big and the car was little, then I'd get a hella-fast car, and I was RIGHT! Check this out! TEXAAAAS!"

Mike didn't remember the experience note for note, when he looked back on it, but here in the moment now... It was something revelatory. The pinprick neon of Motorcity disappeared in a wash of rainbow haze as Texas hit a speed Mike had never felt before. His body crushed into the leather seat behind him, and his hair flew out of his eyes and whipped at his ears. The little sounds of the garage were gone, eaten in a hungry roar by the powerful engine. The only other sound was the surreal shriek of Chuck making the wildest, most primal screams of terror in his opposite ear and clutching at his wrist like a man possessed. Everything in his perception narrowed to the fine line of the road stretching out before them, feeling the car gripping the turns and leaving the ground whenever the road dipped, watching the endless waves of Motorcity roll out underneath them. A sound hit his ears, alien to his own mind, and it took him feeling his chest heave and his throat tightening to realize what it was.

Mike was shouting in joy, laughing, and felt alive for the first time in weeks.

"YOU'RE GOING TO GET US KILLED!" Chuck shrieked.

"GO FASTER!" shouted Mike. "GO FASTER!"

"I CAN'T!" Texas answered. "WE'RE HERE!"

The car rolled to a gentle stop in front of a tiny stall resting under a crumbling overpass. Nearly eaten by the sheer height of the columns around it, the food stand was mostly visible through the cloud of steam it put out through its rooftop chimney. There were no seats in front like Jacob's. Mike assumed whoever ate there just had to stand. Texas jumped out of the car first and practically kick-flipped up to the counter. Mike and Chuck left the car through the same door and followed him at a shy distance, just watching him.

"Hey, Hector!" Texas threw up his finger guns for the man wiping the counter down. "How's it hangin'? I'm back again!"

"I told you to come back with your tab payment, Texas," said Hector.

"Well I'm not. I'm back with dudes!" Texas pulled both of them up to the counter by the elbows and shoved them between him and Hector. "Meet Mike and Chuck! They've never had cheese!"

"Um-" Mike waved. "Hi?"

Chuck cowered and hid his face in his hands. "I don't have anything to pay with..."

Hector raised one thick, scarred eyebrow at the odd little collection of teens at his counter. "You better not have brought them just to open up another tab that you can't pay, Texas."

"I'm gonna put 'em on my tab!" Texas jutted his head between Mike and Chuck, hugging them both to his shoulders. "I'm not a total jerk! Just look at these dudes, Hector! They're suffering a serious cheese deficit here!"

Mike felt a need to cut in. "What is this 'cheez' you guys keep talking about?"

Texas poked Mike in the ribs. "Mike's from Deluxe."

Suddenly Hector's entire body language changed, reeling back in surprise and making a long, understanding noise. He turned and disappeared into the back kitchen. "THIS is something worth paying a tab for! Gimme a secon- HEY KIDS! COME SEE THIS! THEY NEVER HAD CHEESE!"

Suddenly, all around Mike's legs, there were small people. He hadn't seen kids in Deluxe since he'd been a kid, and the little children he rescued from the apartment building felt so far away in his head now. These kids were alive and well, dirty and happy, all different sizes and all of them sporting Hector's eyebrows. He and Chuck backed into each other, keeping their hands out of the way of the little swarm. Texas dove straight in, lifting about four of them in a massive hug and putting one of the smallest ones directly onto his head like a hat.

"Guys, it's okay! They're not gonna break! Watch!" Texas dropped all the kids in his arms, who landed with laughter and scampered away. "Made o' rubber!"

"We're just... allowed to do this?" One of the kids had his elbow in both her hands and was trying to pull him down. "Mess around with other people's children?"

Hector shouted from the kitchen. "Whatever gets them out from underfoot!"

"Here, try this!" Texas held his arms down in a flex, letting some of the kids grab on. With a mighty grunt, he stood at full height and carried the children away on his arms like so many bags of groceries. "MUSCLE RIDE! TEXAAAS!"

He could... do that. Mike offered one little girl his elbow. She landed her hands right on his bicep, and she giggled when he lifted her off the ground. She smiled, missing a couple of her teeth. "Thank you!"

"Your welcome... " Mike breathed out a little laugh. This was kind of cool! The kids just liked him, right away! A cloudy murk in his chest cleared up at the thought. It felt like a light glowing in his chest and warming up his heart, and he smiled.

"Wait- hold up I can't hold... you up, wait- WAIT!" At his side, Chuck was getting pulled right down to the ground by all the kids on his arms. "Seriously I'm not strong like them, I can't lift you!"

Texas chugged along like the Muscle Train behind Chuck. "Never gonna get there if you don't lift, Toothpick Boy!"

Chuck blushed bright red and wailed. "Toothpick Boy?!"

"Wait, I've got an idea." Mike stood behind Chuck and grabbed his elbows. "Stand up on three? One, two-"

The three went unspoken. Chuck stood and flexed with all his might, and Mike carried the rest of the weight in his palms. Chuck's bony elbows dug into his skin, and he could hear his friend's breath straining, but together they got Chuck and all his little attachments off the ground. The kids shrieked in joy and kicked their legs in the air. Chuck was the tallest of all of them, and Mike could see from here that the kids were up way higher than he or Texas could lift by themselves.

The kids dropped off by the time Chuck started chanting "Ow ow ow ow" under his breath. His friend clutched at his arm and rolled up his sleeves. Everywhere the kids had held on, his skin was bright red, and it sobered Mike to see Chuck wincing as he pulled his sleeves back down. Texas dove between them and took a good hard look, then pointed out the matching (if less severe) marks on Mike's arms.

"That's the malnutrition," said Texas as he laid a finger on Chuck's red marks. "Not enough B12, makes you bruise easy and then the bruises don't heal for months when it should take, like, a week or two."

"Is that what's wrong with me?" Chuck asked so quietly, almost as if he didn't want Mike to hear. "I always just thought I was..."

"Trust me, once we get you eating right it'll all go away." Texas thumped his chest and tossed up the peace sign. "Texas's honor."

Hector called from the bar, "Fried cheese up!"

A dozen or so little hands and Texas's big meaty palms pushed Mike and Chuck over to the counter. Laying on the bar on two plates were little sticks, steaming hot and toasted to a warm golden brown. Mike's mouth watered. None of Jacob's food had been hot like that since he ate the zucchini bread. He and Chuck leaned in, and his nose caught the whiff of something new, something Jacob never had in the garage that he didn't even have a name for.

"This stuff? Normally, totally bad for you." Texas made his pitch. "Today? It's got all the fat, carbs, dairy protein, and salt that's been missing from your diet. Welcome to deep-fried cheese sticks. Cheddar?"

Hector shook his head. "Goat mozzarella."

"OO, the good stuff! Dig in, ladies!"

While Chuck balked at "ladies", Mike took the searing hot food in his hands and took the first bite.

He barely kept his mouth closed. His lips reflexively tried to smile as shivers of delight coursed straight down his tongue and into his body and up to his head. The liquid heat under the crust splashed over his mouth and coated it with the most intense, salty flavor he had ever experienced, followed by the spread of the gooey insides over his tongue. It crunched when he chewed it, and even the sound made him want to laugh out of joy. He settled on an involuntary whimper as he took the next bite, even before he swallowed the first one. When he finally gulped it down, he felt the heat run all the way down his throat before settling in and warming his leaden stomach.

"OH MY GOD!" He squeaked. Finishing off the stick gave him another burst of heat, and the taste had changed now that his tongue was expecting it. "Oh my god, Texas, this is amazing!"

Texas grinned. "I know, right?"

"Really?!" Chuck grabbed for a stick and nearly dropped it, not expecting the heat. He bounced it in his fingers a few times before popping it into his mouth whole. It took two visible chews before Chuck lit up like a light and clutched at Mike's shoulders, trying to vocalize how good it was through a mouthful of the wonderful cheese.

Hector beamed with pride. "This is what humans are made to eat! Fat! Salt! Enjoy it!"

Hector's children tugged at Mike's shirt. "Uncle Hector's a good cook, isn't he?"

Mike, trying to eat a stick whole just like Chuck, covered his mouth to speak. "He's awesome! What even is this?"

Hector spent a long while explaining as Mike and Chuck finished their meals and Texas kept the kids entertained. The process of where cheese came from was fascinating, if a little gross, and the steps of how to deep fry it in batter and seasonings made Mike hungry all over again once his plate was empty. Hector cooked them another round. The conversation drifted into more foods Hector had on the menu and how they were good for big, strong, growing boys like themselves. Mike and Chuck ate until their stomachs felt pinched and heavy, and Texas swooped in and finished off the sticks they had left over. They both leaned hard on the counter to let their guts settle while Hector talked.

"You can get your vitamins from things other than milk and cheese, you know?" Hector summed up. "But you've gotta have good balance, and good vegetables, and that Jacob guy? I've heard about him. _Bad vegetables_."

"I don't..." Mike worried at his lip. "I mean, Jacob is kind of the reason I'm alive. I don't wanna say anything bad about him."

"You can say when someone has flaws and still like them!" Hector assured him. "Doesn't make you like them less! It's like how my kids are annoying sometimes, or like how Texas is an idiot who doesn't pay his tab."

"Hey!" Texas spun around, dangling kids from his arms. "I paid you in babysitting!"

"You paid for _their_ food in babysitting," Hector clarified. " _You_ still have your tab."

Texas shrugged. "Whatever. HEY, Mike and Chuck, let's get back in the car! I wanna take you someplace else!"

"Can we go a little slower this time?" Chuck patted his belly. "I don't know if I could handle high speed on a full stomach."

Mike had a retort on hand until he straightened his back and his belly rumbled. What had been a comfortably full feeling was turning into a little bit of pain. "Oo... yeah, seconding that."

The kids laughed and mumbled something to themselves about "first time eating dairy" before Texas swept in and tucked an arm around both of them. "Say bye to Hector and the kids, guys! We're goin' now!"

The goodbyes were strangely fast considering how long they'd spent there- Chuck noted with surprise that it had been about two hours- but Texas was already explaining as soon as the car started rolling. "Everywhere in Motorcity is, like, a million miles from where you are. If we're gonna get there NOT fast, we gotta get moving fast, you know?"

"Uh-" Mike went over the words again and found they made a little sense. Leave early, make good time. "Yeah! I do now."

"Okay my gut's really starting to hurt," said Chuck.

Texas shrugged. "Yeah, that's normal. You just ate too much grease. Once we get to the bath house you can camp out in the bathroom-"

Chuck flailed hard enough to smack Mike in the cheek. "BATH HOUSE?! NO! No no no I do NOT go there during the day! People! Looking at me! NOT an option!"

Texas pointed to something out the window, and Mike followed the point to a grimy gas station with a crumbling sign and rats scattering out of sight. "You want me to pull over there so you can poo? 'Cause I will stop this car."

"OH god that's even worse!" Chuck nearly sobbed. "Isn't there anywhere else to stop?"

"For a clean bathroom? Probably not," said Texas. "Besides, who'd turn down a free hot bath and a massage?"

Mike turned to Chuck. "What's a 'massage'?"

Texas answered in a low purr, "OH buddy, you just keep makin' Texas wanna treat you nice."

Chuck dropped his voice into a rumbling approximation of Jacob's. " _Mike, Chuck, what did you do today_?" He popped back into his normal register. "Oh, nothing, Jacob. We just got kidnapped by a dude younger than us that decided he was our **sugar daddy** and wanted to see us wet and naked!"

Mike spluttered and guffawed into the back of Texas's seat. Texas rolled his shoulders. "Oo, Sugar Daddy Texas- hey wait! I'm not younger than you! What are you, like, fifteen?"

" _I'm seventeen_!" Chuck retorted.

Texas said, "Awesome! I'm seventeen too!"

Chuck didn't let the argument go, and for extra emphasis, he reached up and shook Texas's headrest. "When's your birthday?! What month?!"

Mike forced himself to stop laughing and raised his hand. "I'm sixteen!"

"Awesome-sauce! I'm totally the oldest!" shouted Texas. "Texas wins!"

"No you're not- when is your birthday?!" Chuck grabbed the chair with both hands and shook it hard, and Mike laughed all over again. "Don't dodge the question, I'm talking to you!"

"Sorry!" Texas sing-songed. "Can't hear you over the sound of age and wisdom!"

"Bullshit you can't!"

"Any more foul language like that, young man, and I'm putting you over Daddy Texas's knee!"

"Don't g-hk-haahaa!" Chuck broke, dropping back into his seat in a breathless laughing fit. "I'm done! I can't- I just can't!"

Mike couldn't make himself stop giggling. It wasn't even that funny, objectively, he was just completely tickled. The cadets were never like this, not even as little kids, and the idea that this was happening in Motorcity all the time, right under his feet, while he lived up above eating KaneCubes that tasted like nothing... And now, after sixteen years and being abandoned by his classmates, he had two friends he could laugh like this with after a few weeks. He couldn't help throwing his arm over Chuck's shoulder and pulling him in for a hug.

"This is the best day of my life," Mike admitted.

"Hey! Texas wants a hug!"

Mike kicked the back of the seat. "Texas can't have a hug while he's driving."

Texas fist-pumped the air above the gearshift. "Texas can find a way!"

Chuck nestled into Mike's shoulder. "Texas always refer to himself in the third person?"

Texas nodded. "Texas is too big for first-person perspective- oh we're here!"

Mike stuck his head out the window to get a good look at this new place. It looked so plain from the outside, just a big concrete block of a building with flat walls. It stood out from every other building on the block by virtue of being scrubbed completely clean. Even now, workers in white uniforms moved up and down the walls on hanging catwalks, polishing windows and pouring soapy water down building's sides. It all drained into grates at the base of the bathhouse, which Texas walked them over to get inside. Inside was just as clean, almost sterile if not for the people milling around in robes and flip-flops drinking from juice boxes. Texas pointed to a side hallway. "Bathroom's that-a-way. I'mma get us tickets!"

Texas left in a hurry, and Mike called after him with a long "'kaaay" before he followed Chuck to the bathroom. When he got there, Chuck was carefully peeking in the door. "It's empty... Hey, Mike, your stomach okay?"

"Uh..." Mike didn't understand the question. "I mean I have to go too, but..."

"Can I..." Chuck whimpered and waved Mike over to whisper to him. "I can't go if anyone else is in the bathroom. I know, it's weird, I'm sorry- if you need to go first, you can go first."

"Ooh." Mike knew about that. One of the junior cadets had been kicked out of the program for it. "Shy bladder. I understand. You go ahead, I'll keep watch."

Chuck moved his bangs aside to give Mike a genuine grateful smile. "You're the best, Mike."

"No prob." Even in little ways, he felt heroic doing stuff to help people. Still, it felt like a long wait before Chuck let him have the bathroom, and Texas was looking a little impatient once they finally made it to the front desk.

"Oh my god, ladies, jeeze. I gotta put you on more cheese so your guts can get used to it." He waved them to a side door labeled "Men". "So the system at this one is they get everybody's clothes and wash 'em at the same time. We have until the laundry's done to take our bath and chill. We're gonna be Load 7. Now, let's get naked together!"

A lot of strange faces turned to look at them, and Mike could feel a bit of embarrassment playing across his back. Chuck hid in his shoulder. Mike swallowed. "Uh... 'kay."

Texas bolted through a set of double doors, and behind them, Mike saw flashes of naked butts. "TEXAAAAS!"

Chuck whimpered and clung to him. Mike sighed and lead them through with a halfhearted mumble of "Miiiike."

The whole process was so boring, the butts stopped mattering after the first few minutes. Checking in, getting a little tag with the laundry load number on it, receiving a towel and a robe and some slippers, getting undressed. It was a little novel to have to write his name on his underwear, but it was better than the idea of having to find his briefs in a big pile along with everybody else's. Chuck stayed utterly miserable through the whole process, but declined when Mike asked if he wanted to leave.

"It's Motorcity, Mike," he explained. "When you're this close to a hot bath, you don't turn it down."

Showering was nothing special, but the room with the tubs was. Well, Mike had expected a lot of little bathtubs. What he saw was one big one, and everybody from wrinkly old men to little sons and their fathers to... well, him were sharing it. Some of the younger, usually taller patrons sat in the middle of the tub, but most of them were sticking to the edge, and Mike sat himself down in the hot water and did the same. Chuck took his left side after carefully (and quickly) stepping out of his slippers and dropping into the tub. Texas sat on his right and threw his arms over the sides, crowding out the stranger on his other side. He was still new to the whole "sit around in hot water and get clean that way" method of doing things, but he had to admit, the water was nice.

"So whatcha think?" asked Texas directly into his ear.

"YIE- don't do that when I'm naked!" Mike rubbed away the imaginary tickle on his ear and tried to collect his thoughts. The view made him think. He voiced his thought aloud, keeping his voice low in the constant rabble of chatting strangers. "Look at all the people. They're all so... different."

"Different how?" Texas asked. "'cause they're all naked?"

"No, I mean- well yeah, that too." Mike talked with his hands, trying to get the point across. "Look, all the guys I knew growing up, we were the same shape. _Everybody_ had to be the same shape. Height, shoulder width, everything. If you didn't make the measurements, you got kicked out."

"Yikes," Chuck noted. "That's intense."

"And we weren't even allowed to talk to anybody outside of the program, so all I saw were people who looked like me." He talked with his hands if he didn't have pockets to stuff them in, he couldn't help it, so Mike gestured at the other occupants of the big tub. "Seeing everybody out here, and all the different shapes of- of people! It's kinda blowin' my mind a little. Like take Chuck here-"

Chuck immediately dipped neck-down into the tub and folded in on himself. "PLEASE do not."

"I was just sayin' you're so thin! It looks cool! To me, anyway," Mike got off the subject fast. "And then that guy over there, like, with the gut-"

Texas gasped and threw an arm over his shoulder. Mike had to resist the instinctive urge to punch Texas in the face. "So wait, what you're saying is, for your entire life, you've never met anyone-"

He stood up in the tub and flexed five different ways as he spoke. "As BUFF and MANLY as TEXAS?!"

Mike looked everywhere but at Texas. "It's hard to think when I'm eye-level with your crotch, dude."

Texas posed again. "Distractingly handsome."

"Okay I think I've had enough of the bathtub." Mike got right out. "Hey Chuck, wanna explore the building with me?"

"Do I ever!" Chuck scrambled into his slippers and towel.

Texas got up to protest. "Hey! But I'm not done yet! We gotta stick together, dude!"

"We're not leaving, we're just... cooling off," said Mike. "Come get us when you're done. We'll find you. Follow the cries of 'Texaaas' through the hallways."

Texas gasped. "The best game of 'Texas-polo' EVER! I'm so on that! After I'm done soaking my muscles. See you soon, ladies!"

"Mike," whispered Chuck. "Let's go."

"Way ahead of you, buddy."

They couldn't leave without their underwear, but there was an entire building to explore. The baths were only the first floor; upstairs there were game rooms with ping pong, and the next floor was tiny open cubicles with cots. Mike got stuck on the floor, trying to figure out what the room was even for. Triage ward? Overnight lodging?

Chuck looked over his shoulder and explained, "If you wanna take a nap, you come in here."

"That's crazy," said Mike. "Nobody bothers them?"

"I think everybody's kind of afraid to mess with anybody here." Chuck twiddled with the belt of his robe as he spoke. "Jacob says it's 'cause none of the gangs can tell each other apart once their clothes are off, so bath houses stay neutral."

"You don't think Texas is in a gang, do you?" wondered Mike. "Trying to recruit us?"

"Dude, I don't know what to think about Texas." Chuck pulled Mike into the stairwell to talk, not wanting to wake the napping patrons. Free from having to control his volume, Chuck tugged and wrung at his hair until his bangs were pulled out of his eyes. Mike could see the distress in every wrinkle of his forehead. "Just when I think I have a handle on how to talk to him, he does something humiliating! He's only smart about weirdly specific stuff- I don't know if he's actually dumb or he's making fun of me, and I STILL don't know what we're doing here! Why would he just pluck us out of Jacob's and bring us around town buying stuff for us?!"

Something in that sentence resonated. He slipped his hands into the pocket of his robe. "That's what you and Jacob did with me, isn't it?"

"No, it's not!" Chuck brushed his bangs back over his eyes, and they stuck to his wet forehead. "You were gonna die of thirst out there if Jacob didn't find you. We weren't starving!"

"Maybe not..." Mike reasoned. "But we weren't in a good way, either. I don't know about you, but I've felt a lot better since we ate those cheese sticks at Hector's. He might not have saved our lives, or anything, but he saw us hurting and wanted to help."

"Yeah, but why?!"

Mike shrugged. "Why did you?"

That threw Chuck for a second. He didn't have an immediate answer, instead grasping and rubbing at his elbow and tightening his belt. Mike waited, patient, keeping his anticipation quiet.

Chuck sighed in defeat and spoke low and soft. "It was the right thing to do. And I got a best friend out of it."

It was Mike's turn to be thrown. He knew, sure, but hearing it out loud made his heart do funny things. He dropped himself right into Chuck's arms for a hug and squeezed him tight.

Mike laughed. "You smell like frying oil."

Chuck pulled his hand back just enough to bap Mike in the ribs. "You smell like Deluxe."

"Ouch."

"For the hit or for the Deluxe comment?"

"For the comment." Mike held on tight and lifted Chuck off his feet. "You wish you could land a real hit on me!"

"Mike, careful!" Chuck yelped as his slippers fell off. "I need those!"

"Sorry. I-" Mike's attention was immediately pulled to one of Chuck's feet, specifically the gap where his pinkie toe was supposed to be. "Dude! What happened?!"

"Keep your voice down!" Chuck wriggled out of Mike's arms and stuffed his uneven foot back into its slipper. When Chuck blushed, he blushed hard; all of him down to his ankles was red. "It's embarrassing, okay? I... I was messing with Sasquatch's engine block and... dropped it."

"Right on y-" Mike didn't finish the thought, trailing the word off into a pained and drawn-out groan. "Oh. Secret's safe with me."

"HEY GUYS guess what-"

Mike and Chuck answered in unison. "It's Texas."

"HOW'D YOU GUESS?!" Texas came scrambling up the stairs from below, just a little out of breath and holding ping pong paddles. "I finished my bath early!"

"Aw," Mike chuckled. "You miss us that much?"

"Yes!"

Texas balked at his own statement, and the actual apprehension on his face took Mike by surprise. The other teen shook his head hurriedly and reset his voice. "I mean NO! I mean- I was bored! So I went to the front desk and turns out? There's TOTALLY ping pong on the second floor!"

Chuck stepped in. "I'm totally up for a Mike v. Texas ping-pong battle. Winner plays me."

"You kidding?!" Texas wielded his ping-pong paddles like deadly weapons. "Texas is so good at ping-pong, he could defeat the WALL!"

In his flailing and posing, the loose ping pong balls dropped out of a torn seam in his robe's pocket. Mike, Chuck and Texas watched as the two of them went down the steps, bounce by bounce, hitting the wall of the stairwell and falling the rest of the way to the floor at the bottom.

"Look at that," said Chuck. "Only took seventeen years for your balls to drop."

Texas fell down he was laughing so hard, with Mike and Chuck following soon after. They laughed hard enough to wake up the entire wing of the napping floor, who were in no mood to listen to why 'no seriously it was the best line ever'. They were foisted off to the ping pong wing for their Mike v Texas battle. It ended in a tie, as neither of them could even hold the ball without breaking into a fit of giggles.

Their clothes were done too fast for another bath, but they were warm and clean and well-fitting whenever they left. Chuck checked the time- nearly 10 at night. Jacob had never called to check on them, but they weren't due for another couple of hours. Mike looked out, into the lights of Motorcity that went on forever and ever, and felt like he actually lived here. He was a part of it, instead of just being in it.

He was also hungry again. "Hey, Texas, you wanna come back to the garage to eat? Maybe with your help we can actually eat Jacob's food without getting ourselves sick again."

"OO! We should pick up stuff to eat!" Texas looked out from the other side of the car. "I'm thinking pizza. You ladies ever had pizza? MEAT LOVER'S PIZZA!"

"I have no idea what that even is," said Chuck with an easy smile. "Go for it."

"YEAH, TEXAS!" Texas jumped into the car... only to get right back out and pump his fists in the air. "AND MIKE AND CHUCK!"

"You need me to hold your hand while we go fast, Chuck?" teased Mike.

Chuck teased right back, "Don't push it, _Mikey_ , or I'mma get you in the ribs again."

"You only hit me because I let you hit me." Mike gave him a solid shove on the shoulder. "Dork."

"Ladies! Come on, with the flirting!" Texas shouted out the window. "Our potential pizza is getting potentially cold!"

"Relax, Texas, we're coming." Mike popped his neck and gave the Motorcity sky one more look before getting in the car.


End file.
